He is an enigma. A seemingly impossible contradiction of a person, he both commands control of every room he enters and blends into the background. He is all at once on everyone’s mind and on no one’s. To put him clichély would be to call him larger than life, but that would inaccurate. He is more uncontained by life. Operating under his own set of rules and morals, he walks the fence between absolute absurdity and thoughtful practicality. For as long as I had known him, he’d been living a life centered on activities in a legally gray zone. Or black. But also white from time to time. He is impossible to explain, but he’s just like everyone you’ve ever known or ever will know rolled into one. I’m not entirely sure he’s real. One part James Bond, one part Dr. Evil, and a whole bunch of genius. There’s not a problem he can’t solve, a woman he can’t seduce, and a situation he’s not totally in control of. He is undeniably cool at times, and undeniably indifferent at others. The world bores Anders, but the world belongs to Anders. Anders is bulletproof.

I pretend to agree with everyone that you are a complete jerk for constantly trying to hurt others feelings or embarrass them. But secretly, I think you are hilarious and enjoy every moment of humiliation that you subject upon people.

You are way ahead of your time.

Did I ever tell you, you have really good complexion?

You are the greatest magician alive!

You remind me of Wolverine because you: have healing powers, block those that try to read your mind, intelligent, rebellious, different, mentor friends, suppress memories, lack emotions and bite.

Every time I look at you on Facebook it is a constant reminder of how I tried to get on you that one time and you turned me down.

Anders: your sarcasm is what I love about you. That and your enormous shlong.

If you don’t start telling the truth I’m coming to Iowa and shooting you with my bow and arrow.

You… smoked…. out… of…. your…. hand. What the fuck? You blew my mind and didn’t even get that fucked by fire.